I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
