I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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