she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize