I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
