you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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