Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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