I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
