I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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