you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
