i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
