he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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