It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
