Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
