WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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