I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
