i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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