It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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