i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
