He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
