well you can't waste a boner
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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