You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
