how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
