don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize