So drunk, too bad you don't want this
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
