ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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