The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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