he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
