i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
