I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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