mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
