dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
