Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
