I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize