Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
