That's intense
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
