Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
