The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
