your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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