i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
