she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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