Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
