mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
