i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
