no, he came in my armpit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i believe in u and ur pee
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
