Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
