the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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