HIV tests are more positive than that guy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize