Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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