he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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