my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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