So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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