i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
