Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
