dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
