You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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