The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize