i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
