I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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