I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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