it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
