Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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