oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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