Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
